I know I write a lot about family and I think I do because it is a mystery to me. All the things I read, see on tv, the traditional notions of family don't apply to my experience.
And yet they do.
There is the n'er do well sibling who always needs help, seems to never be responsible for his situation and makes you feel guilty for creating a good life for youself.
There's the mom that no matter what mistakes she made, you love her and can't imagine your life without her.
There's the adopted mom, who is always there quietly as a support. And when the phone rings to tell you she is in the hospital- your heart simultaneously races and stops.
There's the absentee father.
There's the daddy who lets you still be his little girl even in your 30s.
I guess all families are the same in that they are all different.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Parenting
I just read how a man decapitated his 7 year old disabled son
I remember vividly the couple who tortured and killed their daughter by putting her head in a vice
I have friends who spend every dollar, every minute, every wish praying to have a child and yet these monsters don't give any thought to it, are able to have kids and then butcher them.
I am not for government being involved in everything but for pete's sake I think we have a lot of evidence supporting the fact that not everyone should be a parent.
And I am terrified of being a parent. I can't imagine a more awesome and intimidating responsibility. I fear that I will make mistakes that will emotionally scar them for life.
I fear I will make the mistakes my parents made.
Why do so many people not stop and THINK before having a child!?!?!?!?
I remember vividly the couple who tortured and killed their daughter by putting her head in a vice
I have friends who spend every dollar, every minute, every wish praying to have a child and yet these monsters don't give any thought to it, are able to have kids and then butcher them.
I am not for government being involved in everything but for pete's sake I think we have a lot of evidence supporting the fact that not everyone should be a parent.
And I am terrified of being a parent. I can't imagine a more awesome and intimidating responsibility. I fear that I will make mistakes that will emotionally scar them for life.
I fear I will make the mistakes my parents made.
Why do so many people not stop and THINK before having a child!?!?!?!?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Origins
Do trees grow without roots?
Do birds learn to fly before they learn to walk?
Where do abandoned animals go for shelter?
Where do you turn when you are in trouble?
Can you really create your own truth? your own family?
Do birds learn to fly before they learn to walk?
Where do abandoned animals go for shelter?
Where do you turn when you are in trouble?
Can you really create your own truth? your own family?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Negative over Positive
Why is it that we focus on the negative?
We can be given 25 pieces of positive feedback and yet the one that is constructive is the one we remember...
This is why choosing one's words carefully when giving feedback is important
This is why anonymous feedback can extremely dangerous and unprofessional. Anonymity enables people to be careless with thier word choice and insensitive to the impact to the feedback recipient.
But for those of us who really want to do our best, even though we know we mess up (probably more frequently than others know) it's still hard to hear about our mistakes and improvement areas from others. No matter how much we want to learn and better ourselves.
There are areas of development that I know I have and have accepted that I need to work on... but there seems to always be one element in feedback that leaves me feeling sucker punched. If I cared less - it wouldn't matter.
But I care. A lot.
We can be given 25 pieces of positive feedback and yet the one that is constructive is the one we remember...
This is why choosing one's words carefully when giving feedback is important
This is why anonymous feedback can extremely dangerous and unprofessional. Anonymity enables people to be careless with thier word choice and insensitive to the impact to the feedback recipient.
But for those of us who really want to do our best, even though we know we mess up (probably more frequently than others know) it's still hard to hear about our mistakes and improvement areas from others. No matter how much we want to learn and better ourselves.
There are areas of development that I know I have and have accepted that I need to work on... but there seems to always be one element in feedback that leaves me feeling sucker punched. If I cared less - it wouldn't matter.
But I care. A lot.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Bridal Store Adventure
There are so many emotions tied up in a trip to a bridal store.
Dread: oh please don't let the bride pick a dress for a) herself that you have to pretend to like and b) a bridesmaid dress that makes you look atrocious. Additionally there is always one (and only one) size 0 bridesmaid whom you desperately hope you never have to stand next to. And hope that her vote of dress doesn't really count because at size 0 she can wear a paper bag and look like a runway model. Then of course there is at least one larger girl (who may or may not be pregnant) for whom you have to find a dress that will be flattering- even if it makes you and everyone else look hideous. This is how I believe most terrible bridesmaid dress choices get made. However there still are bitchy women out there who desire to make their friends look bad on the big day (so as not to diminish the bride's beauty) and to ask them to pay for it (to add insult to injury)
Joy: There are several aspects to joy on this adventure (even if you try to fight it). When the bride picks the right dress, puts a veil on and holds a fake bouquet for the first time- even if you hate the groom, every women feels joy at seeing the happiness radiate from the bride.
Wistfullness: Whether you have been married before or not, wistfullness abides. You remember your own wedding day fondly or you dream of a future wedding day when your friends and family gather around to celebrate and share your joy. You dream of trying on the dress again and getting that feeling that is simultaneous butterflies and a sucker punch in your gut.
Fear: Now that dresses are chosen. Fear of looking like you are the "big bridesmaid" kicks in and the dieting and exercise regimen must commence. It could be the most hideous dress in the world but you know you will not add to the ugliness of it intentionally or unintentionally! So put down the doughnut and bust out the running shoes from now until the wedding day!
Dread: oh please don't let the bride pick a dress for a) herself that you have to pretend to like and b) a bridesmaid dress that makes you look atrocious. Additionally there is always one (and only one) size 0 bridesmaid whom you desperately hope you never have to stand next to. And hope that her vote of dress doesn't really count because at size 0 she can wear a paper bag and look like a runway model. Then of course there is at least one larger girl (who may or may not be pregnant) for whom you have to find a dress that will be flattering- even if it makes you and everyone else look hideous. This is how I believe most terrible bridesmaid dress choices get made. However there still are bitchy women out there who desire to make their friends look bad on the big day (so as not to diminish the bride's beauty) and to ask them to pay for it (to add insult to injury)
Joy: There are several aspects to joy on this adventure (even if you try to fight it). When the bride picks the right dress, puts a veil on and holds a fake bouquet for the first time- even if you hate the groom, every women feels joy at seeing the happiness radiate from the bride.
Wistfullness: Whether you have been married before or not, wistfullness abides. You remember your own wedding day fondly or you dream of a future wedding day when your friends and family gather around to celebrate and share your joy. You dream of trying on the dress again and getting that feeling that is simultaneous butterflies and a sucker punch in your gut.
Fear: Now that dresses are chosen. Fear of looking like you are the "big bridesmaid" kicks in and the dieting and exercise regimen must commence. It could be the most hideous dress in the world but you know you will not add to the ugliness of it intentionally or unintentionally! So put down the doughnut and bust out the running shoes from now until the wedding day!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Things I hope are never said about me...
She's one of those cute girls who thinks she is a photographer just because she has a camera
She never fit in
She held herself back
Sara who?
She didn't try hard enough
She didn't give enough
She didn't love enough
She didn't make a difference in anyone's life
She made bad choices
(and please God never that...)
She was selfish
She never fit in
She held herself back
Sara who?
She didn't try hard enough
She didn't give enough
She didn't love enough
She didn't make a difference in anyone's life
She made bad choices
(and please God never that...)
She was selfish
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Karma
Some days believing in karma is easier than others. Watching the Murdochs squirm under questions from Parliament makes it easy.
Watching my friends struggle to have a child to which they would be excellent parents while others get knocked up by accident every day makes it hard.
I know life is a journey and many days I can embrace that. I feel I have come a long long way on that front when it comes to my own life. But I am fiercely protective of my friends and I don't want them to have bumps on their journey... I want them to have all the happiness and love that I know they deserve. Some days it can be just heart wrenching and can bring new meaning to the phrase "karma is a bitch"
Watching my friends struggle to have a child to which they would be excellent parents while others get knocked up by accident every day makes it hard.
I know life is a journey and many days I can embrace that. I feel I have come a long long way on that front when it comes to my own life. But I am fiercely protective of my friends and I don't want them to have bumps on their journey... I want them to have all the happiness and love that I know they deserve. Some days it can be just heart wrenching and can bring new meaning to the phrase "karma is a bitch"
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