Family

I think of the concept of family often... maybe it is because mine has never been what you would call "traditional." 
I have never met my father. There are days where this doesn't bother me and days when it does. Today is one of the days where it bothers me.  I visited my mom today and while we had a great visit and she was in good spirits- physically she didn't look very good. As I mentioned Friday was her birthday and although she is only 64 - she seems much older. I know one day I will lose her and even though I have a wonderful adopted family, when that day comes I will feel like an orphan. Like I am truly alone.

I wonder if those who grow up with both parents (the whole white picket fence 2.5 sort) ever really give thought to what it means to be a family. I think about it a lot.  On good days I feel that I have created my own family with a great network of wonderful friends and my adopted family who loves me.

On bad days- that all feels impermanent. I guess there is something to be said for blood. Because on bad days I don't feel that I belong to anyone, and that I never have... no matter how much they love me. But even those related to me by blood- except my mom- seem to be temporary as well.

I have always worked hard to go further, do more, be more... but how can you really fly if you never have solid ground to take off from or return to?